Top 10 Worst Gaming Lists from Digg’s Front Page
Ah, the venerable Top 10 (or Top 5, 7, 11, or however many the list-maker could find/thought distinguished their list from the other “Top Whatever” shill) list. It’s been said that aside from tits, Ron Paul, and Digg itself, the Top Whatever list is probably the topic best suited to make Digg’s front page. I’m sure there’s some deep-seated psychological reason for humanity’s affinity for both the making of their own lists and curiosity toward lists made by others, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Here’s the very worst of the Top Whatever lists that made it to the front page of everyone’s favorite Internet echo chamber despite sucking so badly, presented in ascending order (that means “going up”) by the number of diggs received to maximize the guilt you should feel if you dugg any of this garbage.
Despite having more Diggs than #10 on our countdown, it was disqualified because they did not follow the “Top (Whatever)” format. Still, my distaste for the site compelled me to point out their absurdity yet again. This list includes such gems as Nintendo’s very presence at the show (while Nintendo continues to stomp everyone else and remains the most profitable of both the current generation and ever) and “We’re gamers, not investors.” (funny, I thought E3 was a “Media and Business Summit”). Hey Kotaku, you know what #1 on my “List of Shit STB Doesn’t Want to See at E3 Again. Ever.” is? You.
There might, MIGHT be two minutes of legitimately amusing or awe inspiring GTA IV stunt video on YouTube the entire Internet. Someone, however, managed to find just under half an hour of them to post, and these are just the supposed crème de la crème. I can get bored watching half an hour of porn; what makes you think I’m going to watch Niko get chucked out of a crashing car or slow-motion jumps for that long? To be fair, this was posted on WeGame’s wiki so I don’t hold them directly responsible.
Chrono Cross arguably wasn’t even a sequel if you ask the RPG nerds. Also, I sure don’t remember being disappointed by SMB2. More like confused; it wasn’t really a sequel, either. The capper is #1 being MGS2, which was a fine game by any (informed) account. Flawed? Sure. But the most disappointing sequel ever? Ever played Street Fighter: The Movie? Zelda II? How about some Halo 2? Anything after Sonic 2?
I’m not sure what this list is trying to accomplish. Half the games are ones I couldn’t imagine a girl being interested in or even giving a fair shake; more like games male “hardcore gamers” wish were played by nymphomaniac Asian schoolgirls (”girlfriend” in game forum lingo).
So many movies based on games turn out great, it’s no wonder that the author would want more…
The only way the child who put this perverted bit of torture together could find to make it any worse after assembling the most mind-numbing random or staged grenade kills with the worst editing I’ve seen and not blocked from memory was adding that annoying music. The hardest part about the experience was the inner turmoil regarding the impulse to both claw my eyes out and rip my ears off but lacking the extra hands or equipment to do so simultaneously.
This is actually an interesting topic for a list… too bad GamePro fucked it up so badly. ProTip: Half of these are fine or better than the original version.
#10 is MotorStorm: Pacific Rift and #1 is “PSN”. Not a game on PSN, PSN as a whole. I know this “video game” stuff the kids are into these days is tempting, but stick to woodworking blueprints and reviews of spark plugs, fellas.
Star Trek Online, Duke Nukem Forever, and Diablo III huh? Oops. I’m pretty sure I’d never heard of Project H.A.M.M.E.R. before reading this list, either, casting doubt on that “Highly Anticipated” part. Had the title been “10 Games, Most of Which People are Only Mildly Interested In (Assuming They’ve Even Aware of Them), Including a Majority That There’s a Pretty Good Chance Might Not Come Out”, I would have been fine with it.
Carrot Top looks like Blanka? Oh I get it. Muscles and red hair. While Dahlism resembling Gandi is conceptually funny, the two are nothing alike aside from being bald and Indian. Dahlism was like 8 feet tall, could stretch his limbs absurd amounts, and breathe fire. Ghandi? Not so much. How about Solid Snake and maybe… Hugh Jackman? Kirby and Rosie O’Donnell?
In a stroke of marketing genius, this doozie manged to combine tits AND the “Top Whatever” format. I don’t hate this so much for the WHOLE list (there’s a few BRs in there), but for the concept. Putting on a costume does *not* automatically make anyone attractive, let alone “hot” and especially “scorchingly” so. As my gramps said, “you can’t polish a turd” (I’m talking to you, “Francesca”). Amidst the cacophony of desperation in the comments, one brave sole dare speak the truth: “Some of these chicks look like trannys…”.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Zelda II? Don’t even think about it. Zelda II may have been off-kilter for a Zelda sequel, but it was still awesome. More memorable than the original in my book.
I would have suggested Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest instead.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
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August 14th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I agree that many of these lists were ridiculous, but I thought at least that with number 1 it would be pinpointed more how ridiculous the list is in general and not why some of the girls look like “trannies”,
August 14th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
@anonymous: I don’t think anyone would have agreed entirely, regardless of what games I included. I personally thought Zelda II was more of a let down from the original game than basically every title on 1up’s original list.
@anonymous1: how much more pinpointed can you get than calling out trannies in drag? =) On a related note, does it count as drag if the “women” are trannies…? The list was ordered by the number of diggs each original list received, and I thought it fitting that the #1 worst list is one that featured the list format, boobs, and “nerd bait” in the form of women most people wouldn’t give a second glance on the street being “scorchingly hot” (hyperbole is another hallmark of the digg fodder list) simply because they were wearing a costume.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:54 am
AHHH I get it, a list about hating lists!
My mind is reeling!